TARAZEVIT…Z?

Never mind what this picture looks like I’m doing to that poor microphone, more importantly let’s take a closer look at what this dear journalist has done to my poor LAST NAME…

T_A_R_A_Z_E_V_I_T_…Z?

Well “S”hit.

It seems as though 95% all newspaper/magazine articles written about me or my group fail to include the proper spelling of my surely stretched surname. Despite careful dictation of this ten letter mouthful of a moniker letter by letter; followed by the obvious yet accommodating acrostic (“T” as in Testicles, “A” as in Arthritis, “R” as in Ringo all the way to “S.” “S” as in Sam, or “S” as in stupid scribbler scribing said statement and still miStaking…despite all of this, no matter what I do, letter number 26 continually pops up in print.

An honest mistake…I guess…if I had simply said the name over the phone or the deggod writer is deceptively dyslexic or if I said it so fast that the tail end of my SSSSSSSSSS, somehow resembled the front end of my ZZZZZZZZ. But there have been actual times where I have seen the name written correct in said notebook of said journalist, later to receive a copy of the article with the malapropped mark of Zorro, sadly sitting bezides its unfamiliar T.

Never mind assumption being the mother of all fuck-ups, not to mention its sister, brother, and surrogate- I realize there is one other reason for this unfortunate error. So here’s me clearing up a few things, so that in the future we don’t need to go through this.

If you were unaware, yes I am Jewish and given this fact most people assume…”Oh he’s a Jew…then his name must end in z, even though he just told me it was an S, oy vell he must have been wrong.”

Because, nine times out of ten a Jewish person’s name will indeed END in Z, (IE., Moskowitz, Rabinowitz, Levitz, and Berkovitz- to name a few) but what most people don’t know is this: My last name (naturally) is taken from my loving father…Peter J. Tarazevits. Well, Peter or “Jewish Pete” as he was affectionately called by my gentile friends in grammar school actually is a convert to the Jewish faith. So my surname, “Tarazevits” is not actually a quote un quote Jewish name. Over the years it has evolved from its Russian origin, Tarazevich (“C” as in Change “H” as in Hypocrite) to its present state of singular supreme ending in “S” existence.

So, think of it this way, my entire name (first and last included) is like a poor-man’s palindrome, whereas the first letter of my first name is the same as the last letter of my last name. No?

Well…how about this?…Ask yourself before writing my name…who is it? Well, it’s Tarazevits. Actually that’s a little dumb. A lot of dumb.

Either way, however you may arise to your erroneous spelling and whoever it may-be who is to blame; whether it is you kind sir, or you madam, or you Mr. photographer, writer, stenographer, scribe, or caped caption crusader whatever it is you do…please oh please when you encounter me, Scott Raven TarazevitS, son of Mr. Peter J. TarazevitS pleaSe pleaSe with cherrieSSSSSSSS and ScoreSSSS of SkittleSSSSS on top end with an S.